Silence Is Deafening
by Fanficaholics Anon
Summary: Knowing you have to say goodbye to the love of your life is the hardest thing in the world, but not being able to do it face to face... AH/AU Jasper & Alice. Entry for 100 Pictures Contest.


**Title: **Silence is Deafening

**Penname: **

**Fandom: **Twilight

**Picture#: **6

**Rating: **T

**Disclaimer: **Please do not copy or reproduce any of this work without express permission from myself. All character names are the property of . No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary: **Knowing you have to say goodbye to the love of your life is the hardest thing in the world, but not being able to do it face to face... AH/AU Jasper & Alice. Entry for 100 Pictures Contest.

I sat at the small writing desk in the corner of our small room. Quietly, so as not to wake Alice, I pulled out some paper and a pen before slowly unscrewing the half-finished bottle of ink. Hesitating with my pen hovering over the soft paper before me, I looked at the bed. Alice was such a whirlwind when awake. I loved her dearly with all my being. These were the times I fell in love with her even further – the times I was simply able to look upon her delicate features. Always so animated, it was spellbinding to see her so still and peaceful. My eyes travelled down to her still flat stomach. It wouldn't be long before my Hen would be as round as a football, and I couldn't wait. The glow on her pale skin had become more pronounced as she bloomed throughout this wonder.

Sighing, I turned back to the task at hand. I settled my pen to the paper and began to scratch as quietly as possible to keep it an unknown to my dear wife.

_23__nd__ April 1916_

_My Dearest Darling, Alice,_

_Well, Hen, this is it. We both know there's only one reason for you to be reading this letter. Now, don't cry__,__ I have a few things to tell you._

_I decided to write this after you fell asleep in my arms as always__, but this__ time felt different. Your tiny hands clung __desperately to me, silently begging me not to go. I know you would never try to talk me out of it as you know how much the cause means to me. I honestly think you'd be stubborn enough to ask to come with me rather than beg me not to go._

_Before I began this letter, I sat for a while just watching you sleep. Your face was fully relaxed when you were finally at peace in your dreams. I know you dream of our future as do I. Believe me, Hen, I want nothing more than peace to reign in our beautiful homeland, peace in which to raise our babies and grandbabies, but until then, I encourage you to live for the day._

_Do you remember telling me I gave your heart palpitations the first time we met? Just because I nearly ran you down on my bike. I said then, and continue to do so to this day that you stepped out in front of me on purpose just to catch my attention. The fact that __I__crashed into a cart and fractured my arm was a side effect neither of us appreciated, but I managed to live with it as it brought you into my life._

_I have a list of things that give me heart palpitations just remembering them. They __**all**__ involve you, __because __you make my heart race just being anywhere near you. _

_I'm not sure if you ever knew the effect you have on me. From the day we met, I could never see clearly unless you were near. Even after a couple of hours, you made my world complete without me even realising I needed it. The day I first told you I loved you made my heart race so much I thought I was about to collapse. I was sweating and shaking so much that you were ready to call for your uncle, Dr. Cullen._

_I eventually calmed down enough to pour out my feelings to you, and what did you do? You told me off. I couldn't believe it. I bare my soul to the woman I love, and she tells me off. I could have cried and walked out, but eventually, __after the cursing__, you broke down and told me you felt the same. My life was complete; I was healthy, young and loved by the woman of my dreams._

_We went through it all again when I decided I wanted you to be my wife. I shook so much your father thought I was taken with the drink and nearly dismissed me from the house. But, eventually, Hen, I had his permission to ask for your hand. My mam gave me the engagement ring dad presented to her all those years ago. We went for a moonlight walk along the Liffey, and I eventually mustered up the courage to go down on one knee. My sweating hands presented you with the ring, and you agreed to be my wife for all eternity._

_Our wedding day was the best day of my life. Yes, I know we didn't have a lot of money, and your dress was borrowed from and altered by Rose. But to hear you say those words binding you to me was the most priceless thing I have ever experienced- or so I thought until 2 months later when you told me I was going to be a daddy._

_That day, just 3 short months ago __transcended absolutely__ everything. To know that together, through our love, we are bringing life into this world makes me swell with enormous pride. _

_I know that you'll be the best mam ever. I just hope whatever I accomplish at the GPO makes you just as proud whether we are successful or not._

_I want you to promise me something, my lovely Alice. I want you to promise to enjoy life. Please do not mourn me forever. I will live on in our baby and our grandbabies and, more than anything, in your memories, but you are too beautiful to be alone. Go out dancing and meet someone. It hurts for me to say this, but it would hurt more to watch from wherever I end up and see you alone. I know our family will support you, but it wouldn't be the same as knowing you were truly happy with someone who'd love you as you deserve to be loved._

_When you have found that happiness, please do something else for me. I want you to do one thing each week that gives yo__ur__ heart palpitations. I want you to feel alive everyday of your long life- the way you made me feel throughout our time together. You were the one I woke up for in the mornings, the one I went to work for, the one I came home for rather than go for a few jars with the boys. You were my sole reason for living, Hen, and you need to live on without me. You need to surround yourself with babies and be the loving mam you are destined to be._

_I will watch over you for all of time and ensure that you are well looked after and surrounded by those who love you always. I know Emmett and Rose will be there for you. My brother may be an unmitigated ass, but he loves you like a sister. And as for __Rose, well, you__ seem to have cracked through her icy shell and melted her heart just a little. Promise me, Hen, that you will be happy._

_It's nearly time for me to leave and do my duty for the Irish Republic. The ties that bind me to you have never felt so tight, but I need to do this. The Big Fella, Mick Collins, needs as many of us as possible. Without us, the British will overtake our beloved Ireland, and we will be run into the ground. I hope beyond all hopes that I return to you to kiss you, to hold you, but we both know that may not be possible. I write this letter to you, my love, as a keepsake, a reminder of my love for all time._

_Never forget me, Hen, but don't live for my memory. Always remember I love you and that baby inside you. I always will . . . wherever I am._

_Yours forever,_

_Jasper_

I allowed the ink to dry before folding the sheets and tucking them into an envelope. Writing her name on the front nearly undid me. _Was I doing the right thing? Would it be so wrong of me to just stay home and wrap my arms around my Hen?_ No, I had to do this, and Alice understood that. I couldn't ask for a more wonderful and understanding woman.

I tucked the letter into my pocket and bent to pull on my boots. I took my time in lacing them, wanting to prolong the time I had with her. She might not have been aware of me right now, but she was always able to calm me.

I stood to gather my coat and rifle. I bent to place a gentle kiss on her forehead, causing her to wrinkle her nose slightly. I slowly and silently walked out of the room. Emmett sat at the table. Without words, I pulled the letter from my pocket and placed it in front of him. He nodded his understanding. Without words, my giant of a brother stood and pulled me into his arms.

Rose came into the room with the young 'un. She, too, needed no words as she pulled me out of Emmett's embrace and into her own. I could feel her tears as she kissed my cheek gently. I pulled away and looked at them both, tears threatening to spill. I cleared my throat to say something, but couldn't find the words. I simply nodded once and turned to leave.

I knew in my heart of hearts, I would never see my family again.


End file.
